How to Get a Bikini Body in Five Minutes

We’ve barely taken off our woolly hats and I’m already seeing articles, posts and adverts instructing me ‘How To Get A Bikini Body’.

It’s both insulting and ridiculous in equal measure. Surely I’m not the only one to think so? One article advocated trying the ‘liquid-only diet’ for three days a week, one told me to remove carbs, to eat only cabbage soup or to do ten million squats a day. As well as the obvious limitations, not to mention health side-effects of being so ludicrous, does any woman really have the stomach for being fed this continual diet of nonsense?

Sara Hardman Travels

Of course you should take a gym class, take some dietary advice (from a doctor not a magazine) take a walk, run or swim; just don’t let it take over your life in the pursuit of something largely unattainable and pretty pointless in the grand scheme of life. Surely it’s about appreciating what you have and living life to the full, being less superficial and seeing people for how they fill their life, not a bikini.

My friend and I are guilty of periodically digging out photos of ourselves from the past ten years. We look at the photos and say things like “Wow, look how toned we were”; “Not one wrinkle”; “We looked so pretty back then”; “I wish I looked like that now”…

Yes, of course we looked much better when we were younger – that goes without saying. But at the time those photos were taken we certainly didn’t think we looked great; we were filled with the same insecurities that we have now. We didn’t appreciate it, we didn’t enjoy it – we had no clue until we had a worse frame of reference to compare it to – long after it had gone.

Sara Hardman travels

If the one certainty is that we are all ageing every day, it stands to reason that you will never be more beautiful than you are right now. This Very Day! You won’t get it back so don’t waste it. Five years from now we’ll all be looking back at pictures of ourselves in 2014 and thinking how young/pretty/slim we were.

Everyone is selling you a dream of becoming a size eight in four-weeks flat; selling you supplements to banish cellulite that you didn’t know you had until they you told you a cream was available; selling you wrinkle lotions for lines that have yet to appear; selling you diet chocolate bars instead of telling you to try fresh fruit for half the price. It’s relentless, we have become products. Our insecurities are a lucrative, harvestable commodity.

Sara Hardman Travels

The easiest way to look more beautiful? Smile more, laugh more, be open to new things, volunteer, take up a hobby, socialise more, learn a new skill, enjoy something in every single day.
Or, alternatively, smother yourself in wrinkle cream, start liquidising cabbage, stay out of natural light and assume a perpetual squat position…I know what I’d rather do.

Let’s be honest, regardless of all the fad diets, pills and potions, we will all – without exception – get wrinkles, sags, cellulite, stretch marks and padded tummies over time. There isn’t a product or diet in the world that can save you.

So, I’ll tell you how you can get a beautiful bikini body in under five minutes:

Am I wrong?


5 thoughts on “How to Get a Bikini Body in Five Minutes

  1. SUCH a great post Sarah and one that EVERY woman should read. I’m getting sick of seeing all this rubbish about ways to lose weight and hearing that otherwise smart girls I know are basically starving their bodies of nutrients to look ‘better’ for two weeks on a beach. Urgh it makes me so angry that women are made to feel like this about their bodies! I’ve written two posts about the diets I heard about over Lent ( and my latest one about The Sexy Lie – I think you’ll find this video particularly interesting and would love to know your thoughts on it. ( xxx

    1. Thank you! I’m glad I’m not the only one. It’s 2014 and there is still so much focus on getting a designer body. I find it infuriating when magazines publish photos of celebrities ‘daring’ to go out without make-up or catching a glimpse of their cellulite – as a woman that doesn’t make me feel better about myself it makes me sad that this is considered worthy of broadcast. For my psychology dissertation I worked with Beat, the eating disorder charity, and looked at the impact of media and advertising on female body confidence and found it very worrying – that was in 2001 and it’s only got worse since.
      I love your posts and The Sexy Lie is really interesting, I think you’re absolutely right. Let’s hope it’s still possible for things to change for the better. Time will tell xxx

      1. You’re definitely not alone in this – I’ve actually stopped buying women’s magazines because I was so sick of reading the backhanded compliments and the pages about being an independent and strong woman – but only if you get the perfect shade of lipstick to make men want you – it’s just disgusting! That must have been an amazing topic for your dissertation and really eye-opening to work with Beat. I bet their research is just terrifying now. I just wish a few more women would open their eyes and take a look at all the things they subconsciously do and realise how appearance and body image is taking over their lives! xxx

  2. Great post Sara. These articles are spun out by many mainstream sites every year and indeed magazines because they get eyes on them. People read them and desire to look that way. The modern day era of trying to look like a super model is extreme peer pressure which is unfair. Just be who you are.

    Mind you saying that, I wouldn’t look great in a bikini at all! 😉 Just as well someone loves me.

    As an aside. Sara if you look as you do in that mini picture of you coming out of the swimming pool with the inflatable then to be honest, you look fabulous. No need to give into the peer pressure there believe me.

    1. Thank you, that’s very kind 🙂
      It would certainly be great to see more emphasis on health and fitness not diets and quick fixes. So much more to life than what we all look like.

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